I want God more.
I have spent countless hours meditating on these four words. Asking myself if this is true; rejoicing when my actions prove it to be so and mourning those times I choose the other thing. As I have meditated on this phrase, a curious thing has happened to me: I have grown more and more content in my circumstances.
Don't get me wrong: I still want some other things to the point that it hurts sometimes. But you know what? Those things aren't controlling me anymore. I know this, because I am making major life choices knowing they will most likely result in a delay of those other things I want; but these choices are bound to bear the fruit I most desire - intimacy with God through obedience to Him.
It isn't all smooth sailing. No progress is linear; it's more like a cha-cha. I have days of victory, and I have days when I turn into a big old cry baby because God hasn't given me what I think I want.
Every once in awhile when I feel most content, this little thought creeps into my mind: "don't get too comfortable, or God will keep you here and never give you that thing your heart desires!" I am convinced this thought is from the devil. It's just like him to make our loving, gracious, generous God out to be a mean old spoil sport.
The truth of the matter is that God desires to give us joy in any circumstance. He says if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desire of our hearts. I think if we delight in Him He will become the desire of our hearts. And as He becomes the desire of our hearts, we delight in Him all the more, and can't help but be filled with His joy. Then all the other blessings along the way are just icing on the cake.
